CIATB Chapter 123 seemed to want to etch this extremely sorrowful appearance deep into his very bones.
Chapter 123 seemed to want to etch this extremely sorrowful appearance deep into his very bones.
Should I accept him back?
Go back to him?
Do I still like him like before?
Hearing this series of questions, Su Wan laughed, a genuine laugh from the bottom of her heart. But as she laughed, an indescribable sorrow welled up from the depths of her heart, making her chest feel heavy.
She looked up at Lu Chenyuan and felt that she needed to make things clear to him today. Her rejection at the hot pot restaurant was too tactful. Now, it was time to tell him the truths he had ignored and how she had gotten through the past two weeks after deciding to let go.
Su Wan suddenly pushed him away again, raised her hand and tore off her silver sequined cardigan, throwing it aside, revealing only the black spaghetti strap dress underneath.
Lu Chenyuan's breath hitched, his gaze suddenly froze, and he felt a blinding white light before his eyes, even forgetting the rhythm of his breathing.
The thin bra straps hung just over her shoulders, making her neck and shoulders appear even more slender and graceful. The curve of her collarbone was faintly visible under the dim light, exuding a delicate, bony beauty.
The skirt clung to her waist, outlining her slender figure, and just covered the middle of her thighs, making her straight and long legs appear even whiter and more delicate. Every inch of her skin shimmered with a soft glow in the light and shadow.
Her black dress, as dark as ink, accentuated her snow-white skin, making her incredibly sexy, yet also carrying a hint of broken stubbornness, like a black rose blooming alone in the dark night, beautiful yet thorny.
Before he could recover from the sudden and stunning beauty, before he could even form a thought, Su Wan suddenly raised her hand and stretched her arm out in front of him.
As if to give him a better view, she even brought her arm very close, almost touching his chest.
Her smile remained bright, but beneath that brightness lay an unyielding sorrow and a hint of mockery.
The voice was soft, yet carried a chilling coldness.
"Lu Chenyuan, where are you looking? I told you to look at my arm, where are you looking?"
His gaze remained uncontrollably fixed on her, sliding from her shoulders and neck to her waist, unable to even think of looking away, until he heard Su Wan's angry words, which snapped him back to reality.
A flicker of panic crossed his eyes as he hastily shifted his gaze to her outstretched arm.
Seeing that he finally looked over, Su Wan slowly raised her wrist.
He gently brushed his fingertips across his arm, his tone calm yet carrying immense weight.
"See those scars...?"
疤？
He stared intently at it.
Sure enough, on that fair arm, instead of fine scratches from a knife, there were circular marks from cigarette burns.
One layer upon another, varying in depth and shallowness.
They landed abruptly on the delicate skin, like hideous flowers, stinging the eyes.
A look of astonishment and bewilderment flashed across his handsome, dark eyes.
Finally, a look of shock and understanding settled in his eyes, and even his fingertips trembled slightly uncontrollably.
Seeing him like this, Su Wan finally mustered up the courage she had been holding back for so long, and fiercely exposed the scars that she had deliberately kept hidden in her heart, scars that even Lin Weiwei and the others did not know about, revealing the bloody truth beneath.
"Lu Chenyuan, I am a human being, not a beast."
Her voice was hoarse, but every word was clear.
"It's impossible to be that versatile, to forget so quickly, so I've tried many methods..."
"Stop talking."
Lu Chenyuan suddenly spoke, his voice trembling slightly, a tremor he himself was unaware of.
Instinctively, he seemed to know what she was going to say next, and his heart felt as if it were being gripped tightly by an invisible hand.
A sharp pain spread instantly, making it difficult to breathe.
He dared not listen any longer, afraid that he would not be able to bear this belated guilt.
No, I must say it, and you must listen.
Su Wan raised her hand to wipe away the tears from the corner of her eyes, her tone filled with an unyielding stubbornness.
"To forget you, I smiled at everyone during the day and spent my nights eating, drinking, and having fun with Weiwei and the others, living a life of debauchery and pretending to be carefree and detached."
"But what about when you go home and are all alone?"
"Have you ever thought about how I'll get through this? How will I cope?"
Her fingers gently brushed over the scars on her arm, and where her fingertips touched, the skin seemed to still feel a clear burning pain.
"All I can do is smoke one cigarette after another, alone, after distancing myself from them and escaping all crowds, before picking up a bottle of liquor, a cigarette, a bottle of liquor..."
"After drinking too much, I would throw up, then drink again. After finishing a cigarette, I would pinch the cigarette butt and burn it hard on my arm."
"These wounds, one after another, there are dozens of them. Every day I make myself feel pain, until I'm numb, until I dare not think of you anymore."
"It took me ten days, a full ten days, before I dared to say that I had even slightly recovered."
"I admit that I haven't known you for very long, and I only pursued you for a few days, but it took me a full ten days to forget you."
"That day, when Lin Man came to see me, I smiled nonchalantly and wished them happiness, but do you know what?"
"After she left, I sat alone in the coffee shop for the entire afternoon."
"That day, I ordered a lot of food. I ate slowly, alone, facing a table full of food, until my stomach hurt, until I felt like throwing up, until I had no strength left to think about you."
"She was crying and cursing while eating..."
As she spoke, a deeper sneer appeared on her lips, a smile that, in Lu Chenyuan's eyes, was more painful than tears.
"Of course, I'm not insulting you, I'm insulting myself."
"You call me cheap, you call me a piece of trash, you call me asking for trouble, you call me overestimating myself, you call me fantasizing that someone as outstanding as you would fall in love with me, fantasizing that I would believe in love, fantasizing that I could chase after the relationship I want by being like a moth drawn to a flame."
Tears welled up again and slid down her cheeks.
She stared at him intently, her gaze never wavering.
It was as if he wanted to etch this extremely sorrowful expression deep into his very bones.
It should be etched into the depths of his soul, so that he will back down and leave completely.
"After I finished yelling, I realized I was wrong."
"Your world, Captain Lu, is not one I can force my way into."
"It was my overestimation of my abilities, it was my foolishness, I shouldn't have tried to use the things I believed in to bind you, or even force you."
"Lu Chenyuan, I've told you more than once that I believe in love, in past lives and future lives, in love at first sight, and in those things you don't believe in at all, things that are so ethereal and unreal."
Even now, after you've hurt me so deeply, I still believe.
Her words suddenly ignited a faint light in Lu Chenyuan's dim eyes, and even a glimmer of hope, which he shouldn't have, arose in his heart.
But her next words were like a bucket of ice water poured down his throat, instantly extinguishing the last glimmer of hope in his heart.
"But one thing I'm sure of is that you are not my past life, nor my soulmate, nor my destined partner in this life."
She looked at him and spoke each word with utter cruelty.
Every word was like a sharp knife, piercing deeply into Lu Chenyuan's heart.
"Because, if it were a good match, how could it hurt me so much, cause me so much pain, make me feel like I'm dying, unable to extricate myself, and almost unable to get over it?"
"Those few short days I spent chasing after you felt like an eternity. I was tormented day and night, unable to sleep, and thinking of you like crazy."
"Later, I went crazy trying to force myself to forget you, desperately trying to save myself from hell."
Her voice suddenly softened, carrying a hint of indescribable sorrow.
"Everyone in my family is dead, you know. I'm the only one left alive. I have no uncles or elder brothers, so I will never let my family line die out."
"Therefore, my love for you can only go on like this."
"I don't want to suffer anymore, and I'm afraid that if I agree to be with you now, what awaits me is an even more painful future."